The splendor of Autumn

The beauty of the mountains splotchy with the colors of Autumn, the way the light plays off of the water, the looking glass clear reflections that seem so surreal, touch my very soul.  There is something about the splendor of the mountains that awakens the child in me.  I feel younger, I feel invincible……I feel alive.

There is nothing like Autumn in the South, particularly in the mountains, hills, dales and hollers of West Virginia.  The Oaks, the Poplars, the Sycamores and the Pines each add their own unique signature to the hillsides as they insist on one last blast of glory before fading into the rest of Winter.  The Pines, whose beauty shines year round, display such splendid hues of green they seem to be competing with the amber, gold, auburn, cinnamon, and scarlet of the other less fortunate trees.

Even the water seems to want to play with the hues and textures of Autumn.  The greens and browns of the underwater plants and mosses seem to burst forth from crystalline water in an understated symphony for the eyes.  One only has to pause for a moment and look into a reflecting pool of water to see the almost imperceptible struggle between the underwater world and the rapidly changing world of trees.

 

The scenery changes so rapidly that it is possible to miss some of the raging glory of colors unless one is diligent in their observations.  Only a few days ago I had the pleasure of taking some wonderful Autumn pictures, yesterday I once again traveled the very same roads only to find that the palette of colors have once again shifted in the continuing dance of death that we call Fall.

Here are a few of my new pictures:

 

 

Until next time, Dodadaghovi.

Things my mother never taught me, but should have!

As I grow older (and older, and older) I realize that there are a few things that my Mother should have taught me, but for some reason she never did!  When I have those "Ah-hah" moments, I pause and wonder if I taught my children all of the things that they will need to live a successful, "I refuse to pay a plumber" type of life.

You see,  I recently moved.  I'm living in a trailer deep in a hollow out in the middle of nowhere in West Virginia.  It's not all that bad, except for the "not having a way to the store because I don't have a car" thing.  The dogs have plenty of room to run, I can shoot squirrel from my back porch and most people have no idea where I am these days (I count the last one as a plus!).

The only thing I can really complain about is the fact that I have been having issues with water leaks!  Lots and lots of water leaks......leaks from the pipes, leaking faucets, and, the one that is really driving me crazy, a leaking bathtub drain!

Hopefully I have all the leaking pipes fixed, and my landlord is suppose to fix the faucets, but he lives in another state and won't be here for a week or so.  The one that is driving me crazy (crazier?) is the leaking bathtub drain.  For those of you that have lived in a trailer, you realize that there is basically no way to reach the bathroom pipes unless the whole kit and caboodle has been redone so that the pipes are accessible  This trailer has not been redone!  The leak is right where the actual drain in the tub connects to the short pipe under the tub, yes folks there isn't much room under a tub in the in a trailer.  I have tried to caulk it with silicon.....only it wasn't the correct type of silicon....so I had to get a different type of silicon.  Once I had gotten the correct type silicon I had to contort myself into a flat pretzel (not only is there not much room to work on bathroom pipes in a trailer, it sort of difficult to stretch out in a comfortable manner to work under the tub) in order to try and caulk the right pipe with the right caulk!  It wasn't easy, but I got it done.

Now, as I sit here typing my little heart out, there is a small part of my brain (yeah, I know, I have a small brain anyway, so it must be a really small part) wondering what is going to happen when I go in to take my shower.  You see, I've put off showering this morning because I don't want to spend the next two hours using my carpet cleaner to suck excess water out of the carpet in my tiny bathroom.  It wouldn't be so bad, but I have to move the washer in order to get all of the water....and when I move the washer I have no where to sit the carpet cleaner except in the bathtub which causes a problem because the water is on the FLOOR, not in the tub!!  Besides, when I move the washer I am trapped in the bathroom unless I crawl out over the damn thing.  And of course, if I move the washer someone will either call or knock on the door, meaning that I HAVE to crawl over the stupid washer, usually spraining, tearing or bruising along on the way!! 

So, what does all of this have to do with "things my mother should have taught me, but didn't"?  Well, Mom taught me to cook, and how to sew.  She taught me how to sight in a rifle, where the best kill shot is on a deer and the easiest way to skin a squirrel.  She taught me how to rip down old "horse hair" plaster, put up new roll insulation and then paneling.  She taught me how to change an alternator in a 1968 Chevy Impala and that you should never leave on a trip until you've checked the fluids, the lights and the tire pressure.  She taught me the importance of believing in God, the joy of singing in Church and that a woman never wears slacks in a Church house.  (She was sort of old fashioned on that one.)

But she never taught me how to deal with leaking pipes or how to contort myself into a "flat pretzel" in order to caulk under a tub!!  She would have had Dad fix it....or else called someone else to do it....but she never would have called a plumber!!  She would have washed with the water hose in the yard before she called a plumber.  So I guess  you could say she taught me how to be stubborn??  Or would that be tenacious?  Or thrifty?

Other things my mother never taught me, but should have.........how to NOT fall in the river when you are trying to get some good reflection pictures, the best way to get rid of a copperhead that lives under your porch without being bitten, how many paw-paws it takes to make paw-paw bread (she didn't like paw-paw bread) and what to do when your fire alarm keeps going off and there is no fire (and the batteries are good, and the button isn't stuck).

I've come into contact with many things that have perplexed me, many things that have made me wonder "Why didn't my Mother teach what to do in a situation like this?".  But each time I do have one of those "Oh, shit, now what" moments, I use the one thing that my Mother DID teach me.......A woman can take care of herself, and her family, with dignity, grace and humor, no matter what the circumstances are. 

So I'm off to see if there will be a massive amount of water in the carpet around the tub after I take my shower.  Even if there is, I know I'll be able to deal with it, hopefully with a little dignity, a little grace and a lot of humor!


Thank you Mom!!!  I love you and I miss you more every day!

Dodadaghovi

I hate having a sinus infection.......

So, I didn't do anything I wanted to do today or tonight!  It sucks when I feel like the top of my head is going to blow off, splattering what little brains I have left all over my cream colored ceiling!!

As you may be able to tell, I have a sinus infection....and I'm miserable!!  I spent most of the day sleeping, or at least trying to, between yapping dogs and ringing phones it was almost "Mission Impossible" (literal interpretation here, not a reference to an old '70 television show!)  I didn't finally managed a short nap around 5:30 or so.  I was suppose to go to the Lion's Club Bluegrass Sing tonight, but when my ride showed up at 6:30 I was still asleep (not for long) and grumpier than a short armed monkey with poop stuck to it's butt!!  Needless to say, I stayed home......chased away my company, ate some chicken, drank some coffee and chased it down with Tylenol Sinus Formula.    (A short word about the a fore mentioned Sinus Formula....it did about as much for my headache as the short arms did for the monkey.....in other words it just pissed me off and didn't relieve the discomfort!!)

So, I've been sitting in the dark, wishing for a cure for sinus headaches and plotting my revenge against any and all things I'm allergic to.  (In case  you're wondering, allergies are ALWAYS at the root of any sinus infection I have EVER had.  So the revenge thing was just mental masturbation, but it was entertaining!)  I finally gave up on the sitting in the dark and plotting against things that I can in no effect way eradicate, so I decided to work on some photos that I had taken over the summer and just sort of pushed off into the dark recesses of my hard-drive! (When I say "work on" I mean basically crop, straighten and try to fix any crappy ones that happened to slip by.)

Here are a few of the ones I haven't posted or shown to anyone.  Hope y'all like em!!!

Oh yeah, I believe I have the problem with folks not being able to post comments fixed.....hopefully.  Try and leave me one, if it doesn't work, let me know by email and I will try and figure out the problem.

Anyway....on to the photos!!

It's amazing how much beauty people miss simply because the have their noses in the air,

looking for something better!

This one sort of looks like a jelly fish in the ocean!

 

Funky looking spaghetti stuff!  LOL  It's beautiful!

I was amazed by the size of these toadstools!  The turtle seemed to have the same reaction!

 

This tiny little guy called attention to himself with his glorious show of yellow!

I thought this looked like a wonderful habitat for 

"Little People" (woodland fairies)

 

These two looked like lovers having a spat!

The skies before and after a storm are always so beautiful!

I love the color purple!!

Well, that's all for now!  Hope you enjoyed at least one or two of the photos!!

Dodadaghovi

Photo montague

Had a wonderful day yesterday! I feel in the river! LOL But here are some awesome pictures to prove what a great day it was!!

Enjoy!

Been a long time.......

Pathways through pain

Hi y'all! Bet ya thought I had forgotten ya, well, I haven't, it's just that real life has been a MESS!!!

I finally found a place and moved, for those of you that don't already know. I'm now in a trailer.....yeah, I know, I hate them and I don't plan on staying too long, just long enough to get my shit together and move on. Now I'm having major water problems.......leaks everywhere and water in the carpet and the whole place smelling musty! Where I live it's always damp and mud is the topic of the day!

For those of you NOT from West Virginia, you probably don't have any real understanding of what West Virginia mud actually is. It's a mixture of clay, tiny gravel, sand and, I'm guessing here, animal feces......at least that's what it always smelled like to me! LOL It's slicker than snot on a marble and it will stain you for life if you are ever unfortunate enough to fall and scrap yourself, which will grind in this wonderful mixture and permanently tattoo you with the mark of a true West Virginian!!

The mud around here seems to take on a life of its' own every Spring and Fall. It will rain for days and the water soaks in the top "soil" turning it into a quagmire of thick, heavy, dense, and slimy "stuff". I would say that mud here is like mud anywhere else, but having lived in other places, I know for a fact that there is something about West Virginia mud that puts it above other mud.....or perhaps it's actually below other mud, depending on how you look at it.

Anyway, the mud here is awful. There is simply no other word for it, well, perhaps horrid, grotesque, glutinous, disgusting, snot like.......maybe there is more than one word to describe it! Hmmmmm.......

But enough of that!

So, I've been thinking. (You should close your mouth, flies are bad this time of year and I'd hate for you to swallow one.) This writing thing is really a pain in the ass, but it's also a way for me to work out all of my anger, fear, frustration and stress, so that makes it a good thing.

I've been having a really rough time lately, there have been so many personal situations, from death to birth and most everything in between, that I've been caldron of emotions. Unfortunately that caldron has been sitting over a roaring fire fueled by my desire to change everything in my life. The results are NOT pretty.

I need to write about LOVE and the JOY of being in a relationship. Sounds easy, right? Yeah, right. I'm sick to death of hearing about other people's PERFECT relationships, especially when I KNOW they are lying through their teeth. NO relationship is trouble free, nor perfect, nor even desirable in my opinion.

Call me jaded, call me bitter, call me whatever your little heart desires, but for me no relationship is WORTH the bullshit you have to deal with in order to make it last.

Now, I realize that many, many couples have long lasting, loving relationships that last their whole lifetimes. At least that's what we, on the outside, SEE. Doesn't mean that it's what is real. I realize that ANY type of relationship, be it a romantic one, one of friendship or even a family relationship, takes compromise, trust, hard work and patience. There in lays the problem.

I am NOT a patient person. Okay, that's an understatement. I am the MOST impatient person you're likely to meet. Not with other people so much, but with myself. I feel that I should be doing better, no matter how well I actually am doing. I feel as though my best is NEVER good enough.

Can we say "self esteem problems"?

I am the walking, talking, poster person for failed relationships. I am a living example of what happens when you repeatedly make bad choices in love. I am a cautionary tale to tell your daughters, DON'T DO WHAT SHE HAS DONE OR YOU WILL END UP JUST LIKE HER!!!

I don't trust men, but I trust myself even less. I have made so many bad choices in my life that I'm beginning to think I have never made a good one!

Okay, enough of me feeling sorry for me.......I can only stand to whine, bitch and moan for so long and then I begin to want to walk away from myself....which is anatomically impossible, but still....

Anyway......

I would like to close this with a funny story.....or at least it's funny now that it's over!

The other night, as I was laying in bed, walking through fields of lavender in my dreams, my youngest cat, Tiver, was hunting! You see, this trailer had sat empty for a while before I moved in......hence the aforementioned water problems......and the mice were used to being able to come in out of the weather so to speak. Well, this one particular mouse was under the kitchen sink, doing whatever it is that mice do when they are under kitchen sinks.

Tiver, being the smart (ha) kitty that she is, pawed at the cabinet door until she got it open, or so I speculate seeing as how at this point I was sound asleep, caught said mouse and decided that she wanted to show me! Which wouldn't have been so bad .....IF I hadn't been asleep and IF the mouse was dead.......but I was asleep and the mouse wasn't dead. To make a long story short, the cat jumped onto the bed with said mouse clinched between her pointy little teeth.

She, thinking whatever evil thoughts cats think at 3 a.m., turned the mouse loose in the bed....the mouse, being very grateful for one last chance to live his/her little mousey life, promptly RAN UP THE BED AND ACROSS MY FOREHEAD!!!

Now, that is NOT the worse of it....the little, clammy mice feet were swiftly followed by equally clammy, but not so little, cat feet!! Cat feet that for some reason needed to dig claws into the smooth surface of my skin!!

I, who was just moments before walking through the dream fields of lavender, awoke with a scream and sat straight up in bed reaching for the light switch. I thought I was being attacked by some lavender field hiding monster that had followed me home!! Bitty, my Jack Russell Terror, was startled awake by my scream and, thinking that her beloved Mistress was being hurt, began barking and peeing all at the same time!!!

Needless to say, the night dragged on as I chased the cat, who was chasing the mouse, who had jumped into the box springs of my bed (yeah, I have old box springs) and then set to changing my sheets, blankets and, oddly enough, my pillow cases because they had Bitty pee and mouse droppings on them!!!

Looking back now it's funny.....but then, not so much!!

And just to round out the night, Tiver, the cat of questionable ethics, went into the bathroom and turned a new roll of Charmin into a massive amount of tissue confetti!! I still don't know how she can do that and not make a sound. The cat has questionable ethics, which is NOT a good thing, but she's got awesome stealth abilities as well.

Well y'all, that's it for me at the moment. I'm going to drag my little tired body into the other room......where I am sleeping on the love seat tonight because I'm too tired to finish putting away all of the clothes/shoes/various and sunder items that I had to take out of the closet today so they could work on the water. I wouldn't be so disgusted about it, but they didn't have to get into the closet to do what they did, so I, on the advice of a MAN, took the stuff out for no reason.

But.....anyway....... until next time....

Dodadaghovi

Good morning and wish me luck.....

Well, it's another warm morning in Grantsville. It's already 82 degrees and I'm suffocating! But, I've got to walk down to the bank today and beg or cry or whatever I'll have to do to try and get a loan for MY house!

Yes folks, I found a house....or actually it found me!

Last Sept. I really, really wanted this house, but someone else got it first. Now it's for sale again and I'm first in line (now that the other couple backed out) and I'm scared to death that I won't get the loan. I don't know what I'll do if I don't, I'm so nervous that I'm sick.

As soon as I finish my caffeine fix I'm jumping into the shower, getting ready and heading to town. (Yeah, I have to walk, so I am be a little crumpled when I get there, but I can explain that.....hopefully they won't hold it against me....hopefully they will just say, come in, sit down and let's talk!!)

So, y'all keep your fingers crossed, whisper a prayer or two and send me all the good energy and positive thoughts you can spare!

On another note....my poor little socially handicap pup Emmy has finally brightened up some. She ran into the living room and DIDN'T crack her head on anything!! She jumped up on the chair and looked so pleased with herself that it was almost sad. Poor little girl, she knows she's not like the "other dogs" and she knows that they sometimes whisper about her behind her back, but she really is trying. Now I've just got to convince the other dogs that she IS just like them.....even if she's a little slow.

Y'all have a good day!!! Try to stay cool and don't overdue!

Dodadaghovi

Pity??

You know, sometimes it’s hard to just get up in the mornings. If I didn’t have my fur-babies, I don’t think I WOULD get up most mornings. I guess that’s the reason I actually have them, so that I feel that I have a purpose in this life.

I know what you’re thinking; Teri is feeling sorry for herself again. But it’s actually more than that; I don’t feel sorry for myself, hell I don’t feel much of anything anymore other than pain. And annoyance. I get annoyed because I hear, from people that supposedly know me that I’m STRONGER than that, whatever the hell “that” is. Or that I’m able to get through whatever it is.

Well folks, new flash for y’all. I’m NOT stronger than “that” and I’m NOT able to get through whatever it is. I’m HUMAN, not superhuman. I HURT! I’m tired and I’m alone and I’m just plain sick of it all.

“Oh, you’re just depressed.” YES, I’m depressed. That doesn’t make me special, who ISN’T depressed these days? We have homelessness, abuse, murders, financial difficulties, wars….WE SHOULD ALL BE DEPRESSED!!

“Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself.” I don’t feel sorry for myself; there are many, many, many other people in worse circumstances than I am in. Pity is the WORSE thing anyone can feel for himself or herself or any one else. Pity is a killer!!

What I feel is PAIN and EMPTYNESS. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of having no reason to get up other than to take care of my animals. I’m tired of being me.

Sometimes I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Sometimes I just want it all to STOP!

But God has a plan, or so I’m told. There’s a reason that I’m going through all of this, there’s a lesson to be learned, or a virtue to be developed, or at least that’s what the few people I talk to about how I feel say. I wish they could tell me WHAT lesson or virtue. I wish they knew what REASON I am struggling so violently against what should be the golden years of my life.

I wish someone would just hold me and tell me it’s all going to be okay.

I just wish I felt like I mattered. And no, I don’t need any of you to tell me I matter to you, I know there are more than a few of you that care about me and that love me and think of me as your friend or even your best friend, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about being the first thing someone thinks of in the morning and the last thing they think of at night. I’m talking about being loved and desired by another human being, about someone wanting to just BE with me because I’m me, not because I make them laugh, or because I’m a good listener, or because I can help. I’m talking about someone loving me EVEN THOUGH they know everything about me, not because they WANT to know everything about me.

But, that’s not in my life right now. It may never be again. So, I’m going to curl up with my Jack Russell Terror, hold her tight and go to sleep. And in the morning I’ll get up because she needs to go out or she’s hungry or whatever and I’ll meddle through another day and then another night, and another day…..until I can’t do it anymore.

Dodadaghovi

Dog farts......you just have to read to understand

So, it’s been about a week now, actually a little over. I’m dealing, I guess. I didn’t realize that I had buried so many emotions over the last few years, but the ugly fact of the matter is that I have and now I am paying for it.

I know that most of you don’t want to hear about my inner turmoil, but, as I have said time and time again, this is my blog and I will damn well write what I want! (Yes, there is some “teenage angst” in that statement, and as we all know I am as far from being a teenager as a lizard is from being a mammal, but so what, we are ALL allowed a little angst from time to time.)

The emotions that are waging war inside me have truly screwed up my concentration and my ability to finish the re-writes on my novel. I know that most people say “Use what you feel, don’t let it get you down, use it”, which is actually good advice, but seeing as how I am trying to do rewrites on an already finished story, using what I feel, which is anger, hurt, abandonment, fear and depression, could very well turn a good story into a very long, very well written suicide note. And that is NOT what I want at this point.

So, I continue trying to write, I continue trying to function, I continue trying to be who I WANT to be and not who I have allowed my feeling to make me into. I don’t always succeed, but as of yet I haven’t totally failed, so I guess I’m doing okay.

Now, on another note, my Jack Russell Terror aka Bitty or Two Bit or Belle or CABELLA if she’s really up shit creek, is once again proving that not only does she believe that she is the Queen of All She Sees, but that most of the creatures living within her sight believe it as well, including me, although I will deny this at some point in the future.

Right now Bitty is laying on the couch, her head hanging down so that the fan is blowing directly in her face, sound asleep and farting like a peasant that has survived on beans for two months. (No, I don’t personally know ANY peasants, let alone one that has lived on beans for two months, and I have no idea how much they would fart, but I’m trying to give you a mental pictures here, so just go with it, K?)

She is so loud and so stinky that the other animals have ALL abandoned the couch for places out of direct line of the fan-blown Bitty farts. Thankfully I’m sitting off to one side and don’t have the “pleasure” of being nasally assaulted by said farts, but I can tell from the way the cat reacted a few moments ago that I am VERY lucky. You see, the cat jumped up on the back of the couch, got herself all comfortable and stuff and started to drift off to sleep only to become the latest victim of Bitty’s rancidness. The poor cat actually gagged! And if you’ve ever seen a cat gag you know how totally gross that is!! Anyway, the cat is now on top of the dryer asleep, and although she is a bit warmer, she is safe from the rancidness that is my darling Bitty.

I’m not sure what exactly has caused this horrid odor to emanate from my little darling, although I do have an idea. My buddy Esther bought my babies some treats, pizza flavored treats, and Bitty has been perfuming the air ever since. It’s been a couple of days since Esther gave them the treats, but I, being the good Mommy that I am, also bought them a bag of said treats because all of the fur babies seem to love them. I think if the rest of them ever figure out why Bitty stinks so badly, they may change their minds.

But for now the babies are all resting. Of course they are all as far away from Bitty as they can get, but it doesn’t seem to bother her any. She is sleeping the sleep of the innocent, her nose twitching slightly from time to time as though she can still smell the pizza treats, her ears perking up each and every time she “toots” a particularly loud one. The fan is blowing away the pungent reminders of what happens when you give her a pizza treat, while she is snoring and dreaming of said treats.

Too bad she doesn’t realize she has had the very last pizza treat that Mommy will ever give her. Maybe we’ll just stick with jerky treats or chew bones.

Dodadaghovi

Love and loss, pain and pleasure.

Hey y’all. Sorry it’s been so long since I last updated, but real life reared it’s ugly head and has been spitting and lashing at me with a vengeance.

I know many of you read this blog because I spout off about things that have the tendency of pissing most of us off. But today, today I want to pour out my heart to those of you who read this.

As many of you may know, my Mom passed away in 2000. She had been ill for a long time and she was just too tired and beat down to continue to fight this horrifying thing we call life. She left this world rather gently, she was in ICU and didn’t seem to struggle or fight against the decent of that eternal darkness we call Death. A nurse was with her, as my Dad had just left for work and I was driving up from Grantsville. That nurse later told us that my Mom had turned to her and said, “Do you see them? Do you see the Angels?” Then she took one last breath and was gone.

Why am I bringing this up, you ask. Well, this week some one else that I love went Home with the Angels. Jacqueline Daisy Gumm, the mother of a man that I lived with for years, passed away on Tuesday, July 5. She was 79 years old.

I met Jackie not long after my own Mother had passed away. And, although she may never have realized it, she took a place in my heart right next to my own Mom. She and I didn’t always get along, sometimes we didn’t speak, but that is the way it had been with my own Mother as well.

Jackie made the most delicious cinnamon rolls. She could bake anything and it would turn out wonderfully. Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter dinners at her house should have been listed as one of the Wonders of the World. The food was always graciously prepared and the atmosphere was warm and loving.

I would sit with Jackie on the back porch and talk of things both trivial and of the utmost importance. She could make me laugh with stories about her children, her childhood and her own Mother. Jackie had seen and experienced things that most of us only read about in books or experience through movies. She was and always will be one of the most interesting people I have ever met.

She raised 5 children that all grew to be wonderful human beings. John is the oldest and the only boy, so growing up with 4 sisters was something that he had to endure, although I know he loves each and every one of them. She was a wonderful mother and doted on her children and grandchildren. I know that each of them are suffering a pain that no one can understand unless that person has lost their own Mother.

Now, you may be wondering why I’m writing all of this. Why is the death of someone who was no longer in my life to the extent that they had once been is so important. It’s simple actually. I love her. She stepped in and took the place of a woman, my own Mother, whom I had never really gotten the chance to know.

Jackie eased some of the pain of losing my own Mom.

There is no way that what I’m experiencing can compare with the pain and suffering her own family is experiencing. I in no way believe that my hurt can ever compare to theirs.

But with the passing of this wonderful lady, many things that I had thought were dealt with have resurfaced. The guilt at not having a better relationship with my own Mother is eating at me with the vicious intensity of a ravenous dog. The pain of never understanding the reasons behind so many of the things that had taken place in my childhood is causing me to imagine the worse possible scenarios, and has always caused me to have a poor self-image. The steel hardened truth of never hearing my Mother’s voice again is turning my heart into tiny pieces of confetti that with every breath scatters and blows farther away.

I am trying to process my own pain, my own confusion and my own regrets. I’m not doing such a good job, but I will get through it. Someday.

In the meantime, I sit here and picture my Mom talking and laughing with her own parents, with her beloved brother that was taken from us too soon and with my own Grandson who was snatched from life before he ever had the chance to experience it. In my mind, they are all sitting under a blooming crabapple tree on a blanket made by the Hand of God, talking, laughing and basking in the love of one another and the Everlasting Love Of God.

And sitting hand in hand just a little ways away is Jackie and her wonderful husband, Mutt. They are talking and laughing and are so happy to be together again. They, too, are basking in love and the Glorious Peace of God.

In my mind, I see all the loved ones that I miss so terrible much. Each of them are healthy and whole. Christian is playing with his toys, something he never grew to be old enough to do here on Earth. Taco is playing music, his addictions and pain forever gone. Dave is sitting under a tree, strumming a mandolin, his limbs once again strong and sure, his pain gone forever. Crettie is laughing and telling jokes, her eyes bright and her breathing easy, her smile gloriously beautiful. And my old buddy Johnny, well, Johnny is just relaxing, the pain and trouble of life here on Earth a long forgotten memory.

I think of all of those whom I love that have gone on before me and I am envious.

Dodadaghovi.