Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Well, well, the sky looks like I feel....

This morning the sunrise reflected my soul. Grays, and blue grays and not a promise of a sunrise in sight.

Here is what I woke up to:

It's now 67 degrees in good ole Calhoun County. The humidity is 89% with a 55% chance of rain/thunderstorms. I hope that the skies empty themselves on me and everything surrounding my life. Rain, like tears, shouldn't be pent up.

Anyway.....on to brighter subjects.....

Last nights' sunset was the most lonely looking I've ever seen. Or maybe it's just me.....you decide:

Sometimes I think I'm destined to be alone with my thoughts....too bad so many of them are dark and frightening. Does anyone else have that problem or is it, like usual, just me?

One bright spot in my life right now is that I belong to the most caring, wonderful group of women I have ever met. Primitive Thymes is a group that was started by a funny, strong, loving woman named Sandra. I'm not real sure why she decided to include me, but I was one of the first that she asked. We belonged to another group that decided to exclude me (unsub me with no warning) because of my religious beliefs. It was only a matter of days and Sandra had this other group that is interested (passionate about)in Primitive Decor and she said "Get your ass over here!!" (Not really, but it sounds good, doesn't it??)

Anyway, the women that belong to this small group are some of the funniest, most loving and caring bunch of women I've ever met!!

I am also blessed to have Deb, Esther and Laura in my life. Two of them are older than I am (not by much) and the other is younger than all but one of my children. Two of these wonderful women are dealing with situations that would drag most of us down, but they are both able to laugh, and make me laugh. The other one has been there for 26 years, through tears, laughter, sickness, marriage, divorce and the loss of parents. She has always listened and never judged. But neither have the other two!! THANK YOU ALL!!

To all of these women, THANK YOU GIRLS!! Some days the only thing I have to look forward to is hearing from you!! I love you all!!

All of this gets me to thinking about a few things. The main thing is a question that I would like to have answered.

Do men depend on each other the way women do?? Do men band together for anything other than sports and war??

Women seem to gravitate toward one another. We help each other out when it seems that there is nothing that can or will go right. We raise each other's children, comfort each other when we cry and hold each other's heads when we are sick. (Deb, you know I'm talking about you!!) We can be harsh judges of one another, but we can also forgive each other of things that are senseless or stupid. Women can love one another as they love no one else. We can hate one another as we hate no one else. But regardless of what we are, how we look or what our religious beliefs are, we are Sisters with different parents. We choose to love one another, to put up with one another and to defend one another. WE are the chosen ones.

Love you all Sisters!!

Monday, August 3, 2009

I have a few questions that need to be answered....

I have a few questions that desperately need answers. Maybe someone out there in the endless (or seemingly endless) cyber world can answer one or, dare I say it, all of them.

Here we go:

1. Why is it that you can plan and plan for every possibility and BAM out of nowhere comes a right hook that will knock you on your ass??

Why am I asking this you say? Well, I've spent my whole life planning for things that could happen. I've stowed away food, a few dollars (though not much, real life took most of it) and even food for the animals. What I didn't stow away was love. I've given love and received what I perceived as love, but I've only just recently had my eyes open that what I perceive as love is actually nothing short of lust, desire and convenience. I've even planned for things that never happened and probably never will happen. BUT now I'm facing homelessness and have no way to repair the damage done. I can't buy a house; I can't even buy a trailer let alone a house. I don't have a car or even a bicycle; I go where I need to go on foot or else by begging a ride. I'm sick of begging, I'm sick of worrying, I'm sick of....being.

2. What the hell is wrong with men under the age of 65 or so?? Hell, what's wrong with a lot of the men over 65?? Maybe I should just ask what is wrong with men?

I have discovered that I can't trust the majority of men under the age of 68 or 69, and the only man that age I can trust is my Dad, so does that even count?? What I'm saying is that I have yet to meet a man that is anything, and I mean ANYTHING like what I've been brought up to think a man is. Loyal, you know, not like a dog, but like a real man is suppose to be. Loyal, as in has no problem "keeping his dick in his pants" otherwise known as doesn't screw around on the woman he's with. Trustworthy, as in you can tell him your deepest, darkest secrets and two weeks later you DON'T hear everyone at the grocery store talking about you and your sorted past. A real man listens. You can actually TALK to him and it’s not like talking to a cabbage. He has opinions and ideas, hopes and dreams, wants, needs and desires (that doesn’t include the ones that involve dropping his pants). A real man is a compliment to a woman, not an opposite. A real woman is a compliment to a real man. Why is that so damn hard for a man to understand? (Or a lot of women to understand for that matter.)

3. Why is it that you can be a friend to someone, and think they are your friend, only to find out that they just want you around when it’s convenient for them??

I don’t understand. When someone is my friend, I am there to listen, support, assist and just hang out. I help them when they need it. I leave them alone when they need to be left alone. I would go to the end of the world and back for my friends. But there are quite a few people out there that ACT like a friend, when it makes them look good. Those same people ACT like Asses the rest of the time. After giving those people chance after chance, and now I’m done with them, they are forever out of my life. AND THEY GET PISSED OFF BECAUSE THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY’VE DONE. I’ve made my feeling known before, I’ve said that I think friendship is a two way street. I’ve said that friends are there for each other, to help each other, to prop each other up when times are tough, to enjoy each other’s company. I’ve said it a thousand times. I’ve said it quietly, I’ve said it loudly, I’ve whispered it, and I’ve screamed it. Now I’m saying nothing at all and these people are being bitches to me (even though some of them are men, I don’t know what other word to use besides bitch and I DON’T mean BITCH in a good way). I feel like bending over, dropping trowel and saying, “See the little brown dot between my cheeks? Well, pucker up and aim!”

4. What is wrong with this country that we, the public, accept the fact that the Government seems to think that we are TOO STUPID to think for ourselves?? Have any of you read the latest of the Presidential bullshit???

Now, I admit that I thought this president had an opportunity that no other president in history has ever had. He supposedly comes from a background that would lead you to believe that he understands what it is to struggle, what it is to have to take assistance from the government in order to put food on the table for your kids. He could have done amazing things. BUT…. Beer Summit 2009????? WTF Or this health care bill…. if it’s not good enough for our elected officials, WHY THE HELL DO THEY THINK IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR US????? Or this Cash for Clunkers bullshit….WTF. Doesn’t anyone realize that 5 or 10 years from now you won’t be able to buy a used car??? There won’t be any. And it sure as hell isn’t helping NoMotor Town. The unemployment rate up there is stupid high for Detroit. That is the one place that there was always work, now it’s just like every place else USA. This country is filled with people like myself who are facing homelessness, it is filled with undereducated young people that can’t find jobs, let alone support themselves. It is filled with the elderly that are going to be facing DEATH COUNSELING every 5 years if O’bama has his way. Isn’t that a great thought, you work, you raise your kids, you get old, you retire, and then as soon as you get Medicare you have to go to MANDATORY bullshit END OF LIFE counseling!! WTF???? Life shouldn't be over because we've reached a certain age. With any luck we will all reach that age. Have we ALL lost our minds?? Or is it just our backbones???

Now for the last and perhaps most important question…..

5. Why do I bother with the political stuff??

I mean seriously, nothing I think, feel, say or do is going to impact anyone but myself. No one out there is listening to me. Or at least it feels that way. I can’t change the way people act, only they can do that. I can’t change the way people think, hell, I can’t even make them think, although something is going to HAVE to jar some of these idiots awake before people like me end up in concentration camps. There is a poem that pretty much says it all:

They came for the Communists, and I didn't object -
For I wasn't a Communist;
They came for the Socialists, and I didn't object -
For I wasn't a Socialist;
They came for the labor leaders, and I didn't object -
For I wasn't a labor leader;
They came for the Jews, and I didn't object -
For I wasn't a Jew;
Then they came for me -
And there was no one left to object.

- Martin Niemoller, German Protestant Pastor, 1892-1984

So, it’s happened before. And some of us said, “How horrible.” Some of us said, “That will never happen to us.” Some of us said, “That never happened.”

All I have to say is that it’s happening NOW. It’s happening in the United States, it’s happening to US.

Who will stand up? Who will cry for us when no one is left?