So, it’s been about a week now, actually a little over. I’m dealing, I guess. I didn’t realize that I had buried so many emotions over the last few years, but the ugly fact of the matter is that I have and now I am paying for it.
I know that most of you don’t want to hear about my inner turmoil, but, as I have said time and time again, this is my blog and I will damn well write what I want! (Yes, there is some “teenage angst” in that statement, and as we all know I am as far from being a teenager as a lizard is from being a mammal, but so what, we are ALL allowed a little angst from time to time.)
The emotions that are waging war inside me have truly screwed up my concentration and my ability to finish the re-writes on my novel. I know that most people say “Use what you feel, don’t let it get you down, use it”, which is actually good advice, but seeing as how I am trying to do rewrites on an already finished story, using what I feel, which is anger, hurt, abandonment, fear and depression, could very well turn a good story into a very long, very well written suicide note. And that is NOT what I want at this point.
So, I continue trying to write, I continue trying to function, I continue trying to be who I WANT to be and not who I have allowed my feeling to make me into. I don’t always succeed, but as of yet I haven’t totally failed, so I guess I’m doing okay.
Now, on another note, my Jack Russell Terror aka Bitty or Two Bit or Belle or CABELLA if she’s really up shit creek, is once again proving that not only does she believe that she is the Queen of All She Sees, but that most of the creatures living within her sight believe it as well, including me, although I will deny this at some point in the future.
Right now Bitty is laying on the couch, her head hanging down so that the fan is blowing directly in her face, sound asleep and farting like a peasant that has survived on beans for two months. (No, I don’t personally know ANY peasants, let alone one that has lived on beans for two months, and I have no idea how much they would fart, but I’m trying to give you a mental pictures here, so just go with it, K?)
She is so loud and so stinky that the other animals have ALL abandoned the couch for places out of direct line of the fan-blown Bitty farts. Thankfully I’m sitting off to one side and don’t have the “pleasure” of being nasally assaulted by said farts, but I can tell from the way the cat reacted a few moments ago that I am VERY lucky. You see, the cat jumped up on the back of the couch, got herself all comfortable and stuff and started to drift off to sleep only to become the latest victim of Bitty’s rancidness. The poor cat actually gagged! And if you’ve ever seen a cat gag you know how totally gross that is!! Anyway, the cat is now on top of the dryer asleep, and although she is a bit warmer, she is safe from the rancidness that is my darling Bitty.
I’m not sure what exactly has caused this horrid odor to emanate from my little darling, although I do have an idea. My buddy Esther bought my babies some treats, pizza flavored treats, and Bitty has been perfuming the air ever since. It’s been a couple of days since Esther gave them the treats, but I, being the good Mommy that I am, also bought them a bag of said treats because all of the fur babies seem to love them. I think if the rest of them ever figure out why Bitty stinks so badly, they may change their minds.
But for now the babies are all resting. Of course they are all as far away from Bitty as they can get, but it doesn’t seem to bother her any. She is sleeping the sleep of the innocent, her nose twitching slightly from time to time as though she can still smell the pizza treats, her ears perking up each and every time she “toots” a particularly loud one. The fan is blowing away the pungent reminders of what happens when you give her a pizza treat, while she is snoring and dreaming of said treats.
Too bad she doesn’t realize she has had the very last pizza treat that Mommy will ever give her. Maybe we’ll just stick with jerky treats or chew bones.