It seems as though 2 am has some special significance for me. Once again I'm wide awake and wondering why.
Sometimes it seems as though I wake up just to wonder why I have awakened. It's not as though any one thing in particular has brought me up from the depths of sleep, no unexplained noise, no barking dogs, no crashing thunder. It's just me and the fur babies (who are still asleep btw) alone in our bed in the late night silence of a small town.
I guess I have too many things going on in my mind. Wondering what will happen, wondering why what has happened has happened, wondering if any of it makes any difference. Worrying about my kids, worrying about my dad, worrying about how the bills will get paid this month. Questioning why I am still in Grantsville, questioning if I will ever leave, questioning if I will ever have a "normal" relationship (whatever the hell that actually is).
Or maybe it's just that the heat has wore me down. I walked Bitty for a while today and we were both exhausted when we got home. Maybe it was the lack of food I ingested today. Or maybe the overindulgence of sweet tea. Or the fact that I just can't sleep.
Whatever the problem is, it seems as though I am not the only one suffering from it. Several people I have spoken to in the last several days have mentioned waking up in the middle of the night and not having any idea what has awakened them.
Maybe there is some cosmic thing going on that is interfering with our ability to rest. Maybe it's just anticipation of Summer, or dread of the heat we all know we will have to suffer with. Maybe it's just that all of us have forgotten how to sit back and relax.
Whatever is causing the sleep disturbance, it needs to stop. I'm tired of being tired!!
Anyway, enough of my sleep deprived rambling!