Sunday, April 17, 2011

It's 4 a.m. and I'm awake.

It's 4 a.m. and I'm awake. Why you may ask, since I DO have plans for something I am suppose to do today?

Well, it all started because I try to be a good friend. I try to be concerned for people that I care about. WHY? Well, it's just who I am.

Someone, who will go nameless, was suppose to call me when they got home. Sooooooo.....I've been sitting here, waiting on a call that has never come.

Should I be worried? Probably not, it's not the first time this particular person has done this, but then again, we just had a young man die trying to drive through high water in Jackson County today. But, of course the person that was suppose to call knows better than to do something like that, right? Yeah.....just like they know better than to tell someone that they will call when they get home.

Should I be angry? Probably, I mean it is now 4:25 and I'm awake, and I'm going to look and feel like shit today because of it, but hey, what are friends for, right? Being angry about this is as much a waste of time as worrying about this person, it does not good, it changes not a damn thing.

Should I stop being this person's friend? Again, probably, but it's kind of ignorant to throw away a friendship because someone doesn't call when they say they will, right? NO, not right. It's not as though this is the first time, hell, this isn't even the first time this WEEK! And the inconsideration doesn't stop at lying about calling when they get home, no not at all. Hell, if it did there wouldn't be any question about dropping a friendship over a missed call. No, the inconsideration is and has been ongoing for years.

By inconsideration, I mean saying that you are going to do something, such as make a call just to set someones mind at ease because you're out driving around, after going to the bar and getting who knows how drunk, in weather that has left high water in some places, mudslides across some roads, not to mention deer that think this is great weather to run rampant or the fact that there is high water in some places and this person probably went over 40 miles away to go to a bar. No, this inconsideration extends to not being on time, not bothering to return the friendship (such as call or check on me when I'm sick, you know, like I do when they are sick), literally lying to other people about things that has or has not happened, "forgetting" plans because something else came up, or even making plans and then "forgetting" them because someone "stopped by" and apparently stole the phone so the "friend" couldn't call and say "Hey, I'm not going to be able to make it".

So, what is the rant about? I guess it's my way of explaining how I feel and maybe even giving a little lesson on what a friend is!

The dictionary defines friendship as:
the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.
a friendly relation or intimacy.
friendly feeling or disposition.

and the definition of friend is:
a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

NO, I didn't post every definition of FRIEND, just the first one.

Since I actually looked up the definitions I realize, once again, that this person is NOT a friend, this person is a waste of time!! And believe me folks, with all the crap that is going on in my life wasting time is the LAST thing I need.

I KNOW I will hear from this person, probably tomorrow or the next day, and they will have some half-ass excuse for why they didn't call. And I KNOW that I will check the local papers, just in case they drove their drunk ass over a hillside somewhere.

I also KNOW that I won't be associating with this person much longer. I HAVE HAD IT. I don't want to stop caring about this person, God knows they need all the concern that they can get because they aren't doing very well right now, but you know what? SO DO I!

I don't need people in my life that don't have any concern for me or for my friendship. I don't mean to be spouting off, but damn it, I AM a good friend. I am always there when my friends need me, even if I can't do anything more than just listen to them, or hold then when they cry, or make them laugh when they are down. I DON'T say I will do something and then just forget about it, I DON'T make promises and then act as though I didn't, I DON'T expect them to forgive me for being an ass because I WANT TO BE AN ASS. Hell, I even apologize for being in a shitty mood when I spout off to my friends.

But this time, this last time, I am not going to apologize for anything, because I have nothing to apologize for. I am also NOT going to accept an apology because I KNOW it will be bull-shit that means nothing because this person will simply do it again at the first chance they are given.

It won't be easy for me to NOT think about my friend, because regardless of the fact that it is quite obvious that we are NOT friends by any definition, I don't turn my back on people. But I'm going to remind myself the next time this person calls, that they are NOT a friend. That I am NOT important to them, that it is NOT important if they cause me worry or pain, that there is nothing nor no one that is as important to them as they are to themselves.

I will remind myself that it's about time for me to care about ME, not about people that don't care about themselves.

I will NOT have respect for someone that has no respect for me.

I will NOT worry about someone that doesn't care if they worry me.

I will NOT concern myself with whatever problem they have, rather I will concern myself with my own problems.

I will NOT waste anymore time on people that are blatantly selfish, inconsiderate, and self absorbed.

I AM a good person, even if I can be a totally bitch sometimes. I DO care about other people, even when I have so much stuff going on that I can't stop for a minute and think about relaxing. I CAN be depended on, even when it inconveniences me. I WILL take time to talk to someone that needs a friend, even if I have other stuff to do.

I DESERVE BETTER!!! And I WILL have better.

Okay, bitching done.


1 comment:

Sandra said...

Hope you got some sleep and the person lets you know their ok,sometimes people think more about themselves than other peoples feelings or thoughts