Friday, January 8, 2010

Brrrrrr......

Well, another cold day has come and gone.  And now the cold night has set in, settling down among the trees and bushes like a cold, wet blanket of black wool.

I've been doing the same ol' same ol'.  In other words, I haven't left the house except to take the dogs out and check the mail, which by the way, didn't run today......kind of makes you wonder about that old saying about rain, snow, hail, etc.......must not apply to single digit temperatures. 

I've been listening to the Audio Bible and to various and sunder music.  I've also been napping more than an old worn out barn cat, and eating like a bear about to hibernate.  I'm not sure if I'm ready to go out into the world just yet, but I feel better than I did a week ago.  Maybe tomorrow...if it's not 10 degrees or less outside.  Or then again, maybe not.  I just don't know.

I have so many things that I have to do.  I need to get the kitchen re-arranged, and finish cleaning the floor and the dishes I dirtied making dog treats.  I have to sweep and mop the bathroom, straighten up the utility room, dust, vacuum, clean the computer room and straighten up the bedroom.  I've been doing a little bit every day, but having pets sort of make it a loss cause unless you do more than a little bit.  So tonight I'm going to go to bed early, well, early for me, try and get a good night's sleep and get up in the morning and really do some things that I've been putting off or just plain ignoring.

I looked outside a little bit ago.  The snow looks like glass chips, and the road looks like a sheet of glass.  I'm so glad that it's almost over, or so says the weather report.  Just a few more days and then we'll have temperatures that are above freezing!!  Just a few more days.  But then again, when do the weather men know the mind of GOD?  Perhaps they can predict what they think is going to happen, but it's in GOD'S hands.

That's something I have finally excepted.  Everything is in GOD'S hands.  

There are so many times that I realize that GOD had been trying to get my attention.  Nothing like a booming voice from the sky or anything, but simple things, things like a kind word or deed from someone I didn't know, or that gentle, quiet voice that I refused to listen to for so very long.  I have come to realize that I have been given so many blessings, and I have wasted so very many of them.  I have been blind, I have been lost.  Now I am trying to find my way back.  And it's a long, hard journey with many obstacles in my way.  Many of the things I have done in the past are rearing up and causing me to have doubts.  Many of the people that I had counted on have either turned their backs or else demanded something from me that I am unable to give right now.  And I won't lie, I miss those people.  But I can't allow anything to get between me and what I am trying to do.  If I allow that now I will be lost forever.

It's really easy to say you believe something.  It's easy to pay lip service to faith.  But the act of living by what you believe, of giving up things that you may want simple because they are not things that you need at this point in time.  I believe that is the true test of faith.  Having to decide that something is not right for you, no matter how much easier it would make your life, or how easy it would be to do, and then NOT doing that thing.  Well, that is very hard.  It's inconvenient.  To choose to do what you feel is right sometimes makes your situation more difficult.

It would be easy for me to allow someone else to take care of me.  It wouldn't be right, but it would be easy.  And I will admit that at another point in my life I would have allowed it.  But now, well now it seems like the last thing I need to do.  I can't be do what I would have to be in order to allow anyone else "take care" of me.  I can't be who I need to be.  I have to do this myself.  I have to allow myself the time and the space to continue to grow and learn.

So I spend most of my time at home, alone and sometimes very sad.  But other times, oh the other times I am so joyful that I can't sit still.  I am facing the lose of some things that are important to me.  I may even lose my internet connection and not be able to post anything anymore, and believe me, this is important to me.  But I will be okay.  It will be okay if I don't have  phone, or tv, or internet.  It will be okay if I can't go and do the things I would like to do.  I will be okay.

I will be okay with GOD'S love comforting me and keeping me safe.

Goodnight y'all.

6 comments:

Rue said...

Sleep well.

Hope the weather improves for you soon!

Sandra said...

Hi,I am so glad that you have realized that GOD will provide and has provided us everything,he works in mysterious ways and in his way and time,GOD BLESS

wanda said...

God always knows best for us and always will Teri

~ RM said...

Hope you are feeling better soon, and believe me, I know ALL about keeping up with the furballs! If I don't sweep Every Single Day- the furballs roll around like tumble weeds. Ugh. ;)

Hopefully you won't lose your internet, you would be missed! It's a hard thing to remember everything happens for a reason, and you cannot worry about things you have no control over. Just breathe. ;)

Drawing the name tomorrow, good luck!

Libby said...

Hi Teri, just now finding your blog and so glad I did. It's so nice to know I have a neighbor, LOL! My heart goes out to you girl and I know about the road less traveled, but you're on the right track with God on your side. I pray God blesses you above and beyond anything you could imagine and keeps you safely. So glad I found you!

Big warm prim hugs, Libby

Anonymous said...

Teri, Just slow down and remember what really matters. Let go, and let God. Control only what you can,do the right things and let Him take care of the rest. You need to have goals and purpose, but don't try to tackle too much all at the same time....Take care of YOU first. And try and remember, ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING. I must say, I've noticed lately that things come to me(from God) when my SUBconcious asks, not when I ask consciously... I guess you can't be demanding, self servient and selfish. Huh. Oh well, we're learning, right!!?? Later!! Bethany