Well, another cold day has come and gone. And now the cold night has set in, settling down among the trees and bushes like a cold, wet blanket of black wool.
I've been doing the same ol' same ol'. In other words, I haven't left the house except to take the dogs out and check the mail, which by the way, didn't run today......kind of makes you wonder about that old saying about rain, snow, hail, etc.......must not apply to single digit temperatures.
I've been listening to the Audio Bible and to various and sunder music. I've also been napping more than an old worn out barn cat, and eating like a bear about to hibernate. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go out into the world just yet, but I feel better than I did a week ago. Maybe tomorrow...if it's not 10 degrees or less outside. Or then again, maybe not. I just don't know.
I have so many things that I have to do. I need to get the kitchen re-arranged, and finish cleaning the floor and the dishes I dirtied making dog treats. I have to sweep and mop the bathroom, straighten up the utility room, dust, vacuum, clean the computer room and straighten up the bedroom. I've been doing a little bit every day, but having pets sort of make it a loss cause unless you do more than a little bit. So tonight I'm going to go to bed early, well, early for me, try and get a good night's sleep and get up in the morning and really do some things that I've been putting off or just plain ignoring.
I looked outside a little bit ago. The snow looks like glass chips, and the road looks like a sheet of glass. I'm so glad that it's almost over, or so says the weather report. Just a few more days and then we'll have temperatures that are above freezing!! Just a few more days. But then again, when do the weather men know the mind of GOD? Perhaps they can predict what they think is going to happen, but it's in GOD'S hands.
That's something I have finally excepted. Everything is in GOD'S hands.
There are so many times that I realize that GOD had been trying to get my attention. Nothing like a booming voice from the sky or anything, but simple things, things like a kind word or deed from someone I didn't know, or that gentle, quiet voice that I refused to listen to for so very long. I have come to realize that I have been given so many blessings, and I have wasted so very many of them. I have been blind, I have been lost. Now I am trying to find my way back. And it's a long, hard journey with many obstacles in my way. Many of the things I have done in the past are rearing up and causing me to have doubts. Many of the people that I had counted on have either turned their backs or else demanded something from me that I am unable to give right now. And I won't lie, I miss those people. But I can't allow anything to get between me and what I am trying to do. If I allow that now I will be lost forever.
It's really easy to say you believe something. It's easy to pay lip service to faith. But the act of living by what you believe, of giving up things that you may want simple because they are not things that you need at this point in time. I believe that is the true test of faith. Having to decide that something is not right for you, no matter how much easier it would make your life, or how easy it would be to do, and then NOT doing that thing. Well, that is very hard. It's inconvenient. To choose to do what you feel is right sometimes makes your situation more difficult.
It would be easy for me to allow someone else to take care of me. It wouldn't be right, but it would be easy. And I will admit that at another point in my life I would have allowed it. But now, well now it seems like the last thing I need to do. I can't be do what I would have to be in order to allow anyone else "take care" of me. I can't be who I need to be. I have to do this myself. I have to allow myself the time and the space to continue to grow and learn.
So I spend most of my time at home, alone and sometimes very sad. But other times, oh the other times I am so joyful that I can't sit still. I am facing the lose of some things that are important to me. I may even lose my internet connection and not be able to post anything anymore, and believe me, this is important to me. But I will be okay. It will be okay if I don't have phone, or tv, or internet. It will be okay if I can't go and do the things I would like to do. I will be okay.
I will be okay with GOD'S love comforting me and keeping me safe.